As part of my personal “enriched environment” initiative, I create original jokes. Today’s topic: a follow-up on yesterday’s blog re: constipation and Parkinson’s disease. Let’s do the jokes first.
- Q: Everybody knows that if a mathematician is constipated, he/she “works it out with a pencil.” But the “backup” question is, what kind of pencil?
- A: A number 2.
- Q: What do New Yorkers call a bird that poops on you as it flies overhead?
- A: A stool pigeon.
- If, now that I have Parkinson’s disease, I became superstitious about not becoming constipated, for pets I’d buy a shih tzu and a poodle, for my car I’d drive a BMW, and every time I saw a feral cat I’d say, “Scat!”
- While hunting the great white whale, Captain Ahab’s boat was often becalmed at sea, so he’d play solitaire up on deck, spreading the cards out on an empty barrel head. One day a seagull with diarrhea flew overhead and crapped on Ahab’s cards. They were the only cards he had, so for the rest of the voyage everyone called them his “poop deck.”
- When we were children, our elders often told us to “mind your P’s and Q’s.” Now that I’m an elder with Parkinson’s disease, I have to mind my pees and poos.
- Some coworkers and I met at a crowded bar after work yesterday. A particularly uptight and abrasive colleague arrived late and started complaining that she had a doctor’s appointment tomorrow and would have to give a sample of her urine and feces, which grossed her out. As the bar was crowded and there was no place for her to sit, I said, “Here, take my stool,” and she slapped me.
Now the backstory. Here’s a direct quote from a recent blog post on the Michael J. Fox Foundation website. The article was issuing a call for poems about PD. Bolding mine:
Even if you’re not a poet (and you know it), writing about your experiences in any format can bring health benefits, research finds. According to several studies, writing and re-writing your personal story may have a measurable impact on stress, and another recent report discovered that writing just one sentence about your day, every day helps boost happiness.
That means today’s experiences, no matter how ordinary, could be meaningful in a poem, for your blog readers or even for your future self.
In other words, my entire blog benefits my readers (perhaps) and myself (perhaps for sure).
And that’s all for today. I’m dung with this topic!
Very smart very impressive all in all. How do you find time to do this???
After reading the last two posts I’m pooped!!!!
One of the most important aspects of intestinal health is “kabz ka ilaj,” or treating constipation. Frequently occurring bowel movements, trouble passing stool, and a sense of incomplete evacuation are the hallmarks of constipation. The three main strategies for encouraging regular bowel movements and avoiding constipation include maintaining hydration, eating a high-fiber diet, and exercising frequently. A diet high in fiber, derived from whole grains, legumes, fruits, and vegetables, gives the stool more volume and facilitates its passage through the digestive system. It’s a safe and efficient method for easing constipation. In certain situations, medical professionals could suggest laxatives or drugs to treat constipation temporarily. Nevertheless, as misuse might result in dependency, they should only be used under expert supervision.
kabz ka ilaj